Local Fun in Tumbleweed Junction--I Love a Parade

So, we woke up this morning, still drunk from the night before, and someone (I think it was me) screamed, "Oh my Gawd! The parade starts in thirty minutes!"

We had promised the little blossom that we would attend, to see her bang the brass with her high school band. We bathed and dressed quickly--no time for breakfast, of course, and raced downtown in the truck.

*Added note here for clarity, as SOMEONE (I won't embarrass you by mentioning your name--unless you annoy me again, that is-- was appalled.) So, let's get this straight, once and for all: the possibly still drunk "we" would be the royal "we," as in me, the Queen. The good old boy who went to bed early was the driver. Hell, he never lets me drive his truck, anyway. He doesn't even let me drive my own car, when his old fart self is present. Anyway, on with our story...

An hour and a half later, our child and her crew finally trudged by. "Where is she?" said Grumpy. (He needs new trifocals.) I, cool as always, was jumping up and down screaming, "Hi, Honey!" She ignored me magnificently, like the baby goddess that she is. I thought I heard the girl marching next to her say, "Wow. Who is that loud old lady?"

It was a great parade. We had fire trucks. We had a cement mixer. (No, I don't know why we did. We just did.) We had Shriners. They were not in their cute little toy cars, though. I was sooo disappointed! They rode in stupid dune buggies. I mean, really! I'm sure some of them weren't too fat to be able to shoehorn themselves into the proper bitty cars.

(We also had a horse that took the world's longest pee in the middle of the street. That animal must have been saving it up for days!)

The brutally unseasonable sun beat down on my black velvet dress, until I thought I would faint. Some Hell's Angel-looking types pissed off the cops when they halted and did some cool maneuvers on their bikes. Turns out, they were actually Christian ministers--Hogs for the Lord, or somesuch.

Whew! I may have to lie down for a while. I'm not used to this level of excitement!