Thanksgiving Day Mystery: Part Two

So, the house was cleanish, seating and sleeping arrangements had been made, and all the food that could possibly be made ahead of time had been made. The turkey was in the oven. Guests began to arrive. Food and drink were consumed in mass quantities. People laughed and talked loudly, while babies played with each other and chased the terrified, overfed cat.

Then that evening, the trouble began. First, a baby began throwing up. Then the Savage collapsed, cleverly breaking her fall with her face and shoulder. The next morning the baby was better, but an emergency hospital run was necessary for a very sick teenager. When she was safely at home, her father collapsed and was sick for days. Meanwhile, word came that other guests, now at home, were sick too. Savage, lying on her fainting couch of pain, decided that she had poisoned everyone.

But perhaps not. Word came of a daughter and son-in-law, who had entertained guests the day after Thanksgiving. None of those guests attended our party. Still, the kids and many of their guests were now terribly ill. At this point some people were irresistibly reminded of the Stephen King book, The Stand. Were there others like us?

So far, there has been nothing in the papers, but I shall keep looking.

I wonder if it could have been some sort of mass food poisoning, similar to the recent e-coli spinach contamination. Perhaps fresh yams will be found to be full of bacteria? It would have to be a food common to most Thanksgiving dinners, as dinners were eaten at our house, my daughter's house, and Denny's restaurant. (I don't know why those people wanted to eat there the day after Thanksgiving, but they did, and they became quite ill.) I've tried to find out what everyone ate and didn't eat, but really, everyone ate everything. It was Thanksgiving, for goodness sakes!

If anyone else had a similar experience, I would love to hear about it. I just keep hearing the Twilight Zone theme music in my head. I would also like tips on fainting gracefully, the way girls in novels and films do. I am sporting a truly impressive black eye that rings the entire eye socket and continues above and below and to the temple, in addition to a purple shoulder. The last time I fainted, I broke my foot. So, if you have any useful advice, I would love to hear it. Also, tips on dealing with a sick Grumpy would be appreciated.

Thanks. I'm going to lie down now.

Worst. Thanksgiving. Ever.

Once upon a time, my worst Thanksgiving nightmares came true. First, it seems that some Hawaiian consumer found bugs in her cornmeal and because of this, all cornmeal was removed from western grocery shelves.

Thanksgiving turkey without cornbread stuffing? Cancel the holiday. I'm serious.

Days of frantic searching followed. Then, at the local Vons, I saw it.

Oh, can you feel my sigh of relief? Cornmeal was back.

And all was bright and green in the Savage world, and the air smelled of cinnamon and chocolate. Yes, it really did. But no matter how much shopping one does, one always forgets something, and so it came to pass that Savage and Grumpy did need to make a pre-invasion run for mass quantities of ice.

Understand that one of the major joys in my life is embarrassing my stern old man. So, as the Master Gunns himself grabbed bag after bag of frozen water and flung them into the cart, a somewhat bored Savage asked, in her best Girl Scout Camp, pitched-to-be-heard-across-the-lake voice,

"Do you think this is gonna be enough ice to keep the body cold?"

Corny, yes. Still, her declamation gave quite a few shoppers pause. The genteel old lady, who was just entering the door by the ice machine, backpedaled through it, perhaps never to return.

Still, never a smile did the aptly named Grumpy crack. But please, don't think of him as some kind of brute. He only beats me when I deserve it.

Damn, I'm sore.

Just kidding. Though it is true that I do look like I just went several rounds with Muhammad Ali, and made a poor showing of myself, at that.

(Ugh, the cat is eating out of the dustpan I haven't had time to empty; this place is still a mess. Remember, I mentioned Thanksgiving nightmares, plural?) *

* Involving pain and suffering and hospital visits and IT'S REALLY NOT MY FAULT!

Would I lie to you?

I need to clean up some broken glass, so more tomorrow. Maybe.