This is my favorite doll.That's it. Nothing more to say. It's been a slow and boring day.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
"Hi! This is Billy Joe Jim Bob, my fiance!"
When did the word "fiance" come to mean "boy I'm letting bang me this week, because I am a stupid little slut"?
8 years ago, we left the little glass box of an overseas assignment and came home with three daughters. The first time the eldest one, who was in high school, came home and told me about some girl at school and her "fiance", I was a bit surprised. I didn't think a young girl had any business getting engaged that young. I wondered aloud about what her parents thought.
Boy, was I naive!
As it turned out, this use of the word "fiance" was common usage at her high school. The same thing was true with the next daughter, and now again with the youngest. Welcome to the United States, I guess!
Hey, the first time I watched stateside tv and saw the Jerry Springer show, I about fell out of my chair!
My daughters would never have a "fiance", or they would be going off to some convent in the Swiss Alps. I wish that at least, these future welfare mothers would use birth control, but I am sure that is too much to ask. Interferes with their freedom to choose, don'tcha know. (Insert rolling eyes emoticon here)
8 years ago, we left the little glass box of an overseas assignment and came home with three daughters. The first time the eldest one, who was in high school, came home and told me about some girl at school and her "fiance", I was a bit surprised. I didn't think a young girl had any business getting engaged that young. I wondered aloud about what her parents thought.
Boy, was I naive!
As it turned out, this use of the word "fiance" was common usage at her high school. The same thing was true with the next daughter, and now again with the youngest. Welcome to the United States, I guess!
Hey, the first time I watched stateside tv and saw the Jerry Springer show, I about fell out of my chair!
My daughters would never have a "fiance", or they would be going off to some convent in the Swiss Alps. I wish that at least, these future welfare mothers would use birth control, but I am sure that is too much to ask. Interferes with their freedom to choose, don'tcha know. (Insert rolling eyes emoticon here)
Friday, January 06, 2006
Every Time I Open My Mouth, Someone Stupid Starts Talking
It's true.
Okay, you could at least look doubtful. I'm not dumb enough for Hollywood.
Am I ?
Okay, you could at least look doubtful. I'm not dumb enough for Hollywood.
Am I ?
I'm Not Here
It is true, what that cruel person said. I will do anything to avoid anything remotely resembling work. It used to be that I could only shop if I bathed and dressed and drove myself to a shopatorium. Nowadays, I do most of my shopping by the drag and click method. There are a few places that require my actual live voice on a phone line, however.
I think it should be a tele-merchant-rep rule: Do not eat whilst taking phone orders. That is what breaks are for. I swear to Zeus! I don't know what she was eating, but I swear this bimbo was masticating a mastodon from the toenails up while I was talking to her!
And no, I don't want batteries. Or magazine subscriptions. Or info on timeshares. Leave me alone, Chewy!
I think it should be a tele-merchant-rep rule: Do not eat whilst taking phone orders. That is what breaks are for. I swear to Zeus! I don't know what she was eating, but I swear this bimbo was masticating a mastodon from the toenails up while I was talking to her!
And no, I don't want batteries. Or magazine subscriptions. Or info on timeshares. Leave me alone, Chewy!
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Dog Days
To do my work, I need peace and quiet. So I moved to the suburbs. But I had this neighbor, Mr. Oriani, who had this little dog named Wags. I used to like dogs. When I was a kid, I had this beagle named Arnold. I really loved him. One day, when I came home from school, Arnold wasn't there. My mom said he ran away. Later, I found out that Mom had taken Arnold to the pound because he dug up her tulip bulbs and peed on the Oriental rug in the den.
Anyway...
Wags barks all the time, day and night. I put on my music really loud sometimes, to block him out. But sometimes I would like it to be quiet.
Wags has this really annoying sort of yip that he can do without pause for hours on end. It sort of sounds like he's in pain or something, but he's not.
I went over to see Mr. Oriani last week. Wags was yipping away really loud, and I hadn't been able to sleep or get any work done. Mr. Oriani always said Hi when I walked across the yard and he was watering his lawn. He kind of reminded me of my Uncle Dave, an old fat guy who smiled a lot and always gave me Lifesavers. I wasn't really sure what I was going to say. Sometimes, I get sort of tongue-tied around old people. I mean, I wanted to ask Mr. Oriani if there was some way he could keep Wags a little bit quieter, but I didn't know how to ask. So anyway, I went over there, and Mr. Oriani was hoeing his garden.
How're you doing, Billi, he said.
Oh fine Mr. Oriani, I said.
Wags was on the porch barking really loud, but Mr. Oriani didn't seem to notice.
How's your mother, he said.
Okay, I said.
That's good, he said.
When is she going to visit again, he said.
I don't know, I said.
Well tell her as soon as the icicle radishes come in, I'll send her some, he said.
Hey, how did she like that strawberry jam, he said.
Oh she liked it just fine, I said.
Good, good, Mr. Oriani said.
He took a long drink of the orange soda he always drank. Wags nearly busted a gut barking, but he never left the porch.
Well I gotta go downtown now, I said.
Bye, I said.
Have fun, Mr. Oriani said, waving the empty orange soda bottle at me.
When I walked away, I felt so stupid. I went downtown, to the hardware store. I told the guy there that I needed to kill some gophers that were messing up my lawn. He sold me some poison. I mixed up some of the poison with some pork sausage I had in the fridge. I went out at midnight with the sausage, but I felt really bad and I just put it in the garbage. Then I went back home and lay on my bed for a long time, thinking. Poisoning a dog. How low could I go? Anyway, it's not right to blame a poor dumb animal. The dog doesn't know any better.
I was really glad that I hadn't poisoned Wags.
I don't like to think that I'm that kind of person.
The next night, I took the rest of the poison and mixed it with some orange soda.
I put the soda in Mr. Oriani's refrigerator.
It's been real quiet around here lately.
Anyway...
Wags barks all the time, day and night. I put on my music really loud sometimes, to block him out. But sometimes I would like it to be quiet.
Wags has this really annoying sort of yip that he can do without pause for hours on end. It sort of sounds like he's in pain or something, but he's not.
I went over to see Mr. Oriani last week. Wags was yipping away really loud, and I hadn't been able to sleep or get any work done. Mr. Oriani always said Hi when I walked across the yard and he was watering his lawn. He kind of reminded me of my Uncle Dave, an old fat guy who smiled a lot and always gave me Lifesavers. I wasn't really sure what I was going to say. Sometimes, I get sort of tongue-tied around old people. I mean, I wanted to ask Mr. Oriani if there was some way he could keep Wags a little bit quieter, but I didn't know how to ask. So anyway, I went over there, and Mr. Oriani was hoeing his garden.
How're you doing, Billi, he said.
Oh fine Mr. Oriani, I said.
Wags was on the porch barking really loud, but Mr. Oriani didn't seem to notice.
How's your mother, he said.
Okay, I said.
That's good, he said.
When is she going to visit again, he said.
I don't know, I said.
Well tell her as soon as the icicle radishes come in, I'll send her some, he said.
Hey, how did she like that strawberry jam, he said.
Oh she liked it just fine, I said.
Good, good, Mr. Oriani said.
He took a long drink of the orange soda he always drank. Wags nearly busted a gut barking, but he never left the porch.
Well I gotta go downtown now, I said.
Bye, I said.
Have fun, Mr. Oriani said, waving the empty orange soda bottle at me.
When I walked away, I felt so stupid. I went downtown, to the hardware store. I told the guy there that I needed to kill some gophers that were messing up my lawn. He sold me some poison. I mixed up some of the poison with some pork sausage I had in the fridge. I went out at midnight with the sausage, but I felt really bad and I just put it in the garbage. Then I went back home and lay on my bed for a long time, thinking. Poisoning a dog. How low could I go? Anyway, it's not right to blame a poor dumb animal. The dog doesn't know any better.
I was really glad that I hadn't poisoned Wags.
I don't like to think that I'm that kind of person.
The next night, I took the rest of the poison and mixed it with some orange soda.
I put the soda in Mr. Oriani's refrigerator.
It's been real quiet around here lately.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Cooking Your Goose the Savage Chef Way--part 3
The Menu:
Roasted Goose with Crackling Garnish
Roasted Root Vegetables in Goose Fat
Asparagus with Parmesan
Goose Gravy
Goose Liver Cracker Spread
Crackers, Green Olives
Red Wine
This was a really simple meal, but one that left us too stuffed to even consider dessert. The most difficult part about it was removing the excess fat from the goose. The rest of the meal was extremely easy.
Goose Gravy
Decide how much gravy you need and then use 2 T. of goose fat and 2 T. of flour for each cup of broth. Stir the flour and fat together and cook a bit, then add the warm broth. Due to the aromatic vegetables and seasoning in the broth, my gravy didn't need any additional flavoring, but taste yours to make sure. It was a very pale gravy, like chicken gravy, but very tasty.
Crackling Garnish
Simply take the cracklings you've ground up, and serve as an optional meat garnish on the table. They are good on the pate-covered crackers, too.
Roasted Root Vegetables in Goose Fat
Peel and cut up some potatoes, carrots and onions. I wish I had thought to buy those little round stewing onions, but I had to make do with the regular kind. Throw in a few peeled, halved garlic cloves, too. Put them in a small roaster pan and splash them with some goose fat and perhaps a bit of the goose broth or some wine. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and any herbs or whatnot that you like. Either roast with the goose, or wait until it is done and resting. I waited for the goose to come out, as there wasn't quite enough room in the oven. Then I turned the oven heat up to 400 degrees and let them cook until tender and browned, basting them with the goose fat in the pan every once in a while.
Asparagus with Parmesan
This was the easiest of all. I trimmed some asparagus, put it in a shallow baking dish, sprinkled it with salt, covered it with water, and nuked it until it was done. Then I sprinkled some finely grated Parmesan cheese over it when I served it.
Goose Liver Cracker Spread
Take the liver you've had soaking--no, not the one in your body that you've been marinating in bourbon all day; the goose's! Dry it and lay it in a pan with some melted butter. I usually put a squirt of olive oil in the pan first, as it prevents the butter from burning too easily. Cook the liver until it is just barely pink in the middle. Cut it up, and push it through a fine sieve, discarding any hard or stringy bits. Stir in a tiny amount of white wine, (as I did), or red wine, bourbon, or the flavoring of your choice. Scrape the pan and stir in the butter and cooking juices, then stir in a tiny bit of garlic.
The pate spread should be airy and mousse-like. Season it with just a touch of salt, if necessary. I used salted butter, so I added no salt. Season also with a bit of black pepper and either hot Hungarian paprika or a mixture of paprika and cayenne. Either way, it takes very little seasoning, as the goose's liver does not make very much canape paste, just enough for a little snack for everyone. This is very tasty with stuffed green cocktail olives, too. I like the small ones; I think they have more flavor.
Roasted Goose with Crackling Garnish
Roasted Root Vegetables in Goose Fat
Asparagus with Parmesan
Goose Gravy
Goose Liver Cracker Spread
Crackers, Green Olives
Red Wine
This was a really simple meal, but one that left us too stuffed to even consider dessert. The most difficult part about it was removing the excess fat from the goose. The rest of the meal was extremely easy.
Goose Gravy
Decide how much gravy you need and then use 2 T. of goose fat and 2 T. of flour for each cup of broth. Stir the flour and fat together and cook a bit, then add the warm broth. Due to the aromatic vegetables and seasoning in the broth, my gravy didn't need any additional flavoring, but taste yours to make sure. It was a very pale gravy, like chicken gravy, but very tasty.
Crackling Garnish
Simply take the cracklings you've ground up, and serve as an optional meat garnish on the table. They are good on the pate-covered crackers, too.
Roasted Root Vegetables in Goose Fat
Peel and cut up some potatoes, carrots and onions. I wish I had thought to buy those little round stewing onions, but I had to make do with the regular kind. Throw in a few peeled, halved garlic cloves, too. Put them in a small roaster pan and splash them with some goose fat and perhaps a bit of the goose broth or some wine. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and any herbs or whatnot that you like. Either roast with the goose, or wait until it is done and resting. I waited for the goose to come out, as there wasn't quite enough room in the oven. Then I turned the oven heat up to 400 degrees and let them cook until tender and browned, basting them with the goose fat in the pan every once in a while.
Asparagus with Parmesan
This was the easiest of all. I trimmed some asparagus, put it in a shallow baking dish, sprinkled it with salt, covered it with water, and nuked it until it was done. Then I sprinkled some finely grated Parmesan cheese over it when I served it.
Goose Liver Cracker Spread
Take the liver you've had soaking--no, not the one in your body that you've been marinating in bourbon all day; the goose's! Dry it and lay it in a pan with some melted butter. I usually put a squirt of olive oil in the pan first, as it prevents the butter from burning too easily. Cook the liver until it is just barely pink in the middle. Cut it up, and push it through a fine sieve, discarding any hard or stringy bits. Stir in a tiny amount of white wine, (as I did), or red wine, bourbon, or the flavoring of your choice. Scrape the pan and stir in the butter and cooking juices, then stir in a tiny bit of garlic.
The pate spread should be airy and mousse-like. Season it with just a touch of salt, if necessary. I used salted butter, so I added no salt. Season also with a bit of black pepper and either hot Hungarian paprika or a mixture of paprika and cayenne. Either way, it takes very little seasoning, as the goose's liver does not make very much canape paste, just enough for a little snack for everyone. This is very tasty with stuffed green cocktail olives, too. I like the small ones; I think they have more flavor.
How I Cooked My Goose
Goose:
1 12 lb. goose
1 green apple
1 onion
1 rib celery, leaves and all
kosher salt
Broth:
Goose neck and giblets, excluding the liver
Goose wing tips
celery
onion
carrot
garlic
kosher salt
crushed black peppercorns
sage
thyme
Adjust oven rack and preheat oven to 400 degrees. Remove the giblets
and rinse out bird with cool water. Drain and dry with an old bath towel. Cut off any long, hanging neck skin and save it for making broth. Skewer or sew the flap shut. Cut or pull out all chunks of whitish fat from the bird's cavity, and save for rendering. I had easily 3 cups worth of fat chunks this time.
Since the goose will still put out an incredible amount of fat (nearly 2 quarts for my bird), I believe that the traditional bread stuffing is best left to the turkeys and chickens of the fowl world. Core the apple, but don't peel it; cut it into wedges. Peel the onions and cut into wedges. Cut the celery into several smaller pieces. Cut the garlic clove into several pieces. Rub kosher salt all over the belly cavity of your bird. Stuff it with the vegetables and apple. Skewer, sew, or otherwise secure the opening closed. My goose had a band of skin meant to hold its legs together, but it got all stretched out, so I skewered the opening shut.
Now take your poultry shears and snip off the long, bony part of the wings (the part that looks sort of like a beckoning skeletal finger). Save these for the broth. Grab your meat fork and begin stabbing your bird all over, especially in the legs, thighs, and breast area. I also did the back, as bird backs always seem soggy and undercooked to me. Set the goose breast-side up on a rack inside a covered roaster. Roasting the goose with the cover on prevents the fat from smoking and sputtering.
Put the giblets (except the liver), the wing tips, any excess skin, along with some celery, onion, carrot and garlic into a pot. I used a meat cleaver to cut the neck and wing tips in half. Sprinkle some sage, thyme and kosher salt over it all. Add some crushed black peppercorns and any other sort of herb you fancy. Cover with water and set to simmering. It should take a couple of hours to make a nice rich broth.
Put the liver in a bowl of salted water and let soak for an hour or more.
Dice the chunks of fat you have removed from the goose and put them in a saute pan on very low heat. The fat will slowly liquify, until at last, you are left with some browned hard bits in a lake of fat. Strain the fat into the container you are saving the rest of the liquid fat in, and use your food grinder or processor to grind up the hard bits, which are known as cracklings. Set these aside for later.
Roast your goose at 400 degrees for approximately 60 minutes. Take the roaster out of the oven and turn it down to 325 degrees. Pour or siphon off all of the accumulated fat, but save it for roasting vegetables, making gravy, and freezing for frying potatoes later. I had more than a cup of fat at 60 minutes.
Put the bird back in the oven, still covered, and continue roasting. Every 30-60 minutes, pull it out and pour or siphon off the accumulated fat. At the end of the second hour, I poured more than 3 cups of fat off. This second hour seems to be the big fat-shed time. Your total roasting time for a 12 lb. bird will probably be around 4 hours, but don't rely on that. When your goose is cooked, it should have a somewhat dessicated look to it, with long white leg bones sticking out where the meat and fat has shrunk away. You don't want it tough, but you don't want to be left with a lot of solid blubber, either.Pour off the remaining fat and re-cover the roaster.
Let the bird rest on the counter while you prepare the rest of the meal.
Next: Side Dishes
1 12 lb. goose
1 green apple
1 onion
1 rib celery, leaves and all
kosher salt
Broth:
Goose neck and giblets, excluding the liver
Goose wing tips
celery
onion
carrot
garlic
kosher salt
crushed black peppercorns
sage
thyme
Adjust oven rack and preheat oven to 400 degrees. Remove the giblets
and rinse out bird with cool water. Drain and dry with an old bath towel. Cut off any long, hanging neck skin and save it for making broth. Skewer or sew the flap shut. Cut or pull out all chunks of whitish fat from the bird's cavity, and save for rendering. I had easily 3 cups worth of fat chunks this time.
Since the goose will still put out an incredible amount of fat (nearly 2 quarts for my bird), I believe that the traditional bread stuffing is best left to the turkeys and chickens of the fowl world. Core the apple, but don't peel it; cut it into wedges. Peel the onions and cut into wedges. Cut the celery into several smaller pieces. Cut the garlic clove into several pieces. Rub kosher salt all over the belly cavity of your bird. Stuff it with the vegetables and apple. Skewer, sew, or otherwise secure the opening closed. My goose had a band of skin meant to hold its legs together, but it got all stretched out, so I skewered the opening shut.
Now take your poultry shears and snip off the long, bony part of the wings (the part that looks sort of like a beckoning skeletal finger). Save these for the broth. Grab your meat fork and begin stabbing your bird all over, especially in the legs, thighs, and breast area. I also did the back, as bird backs always seem soggy and undercooked to me. Set the goose breast-side up on a rack inside a covered roaster. Roasting the goose with the cover on prevents the fat from smoking and sputtering.
Put the giblets (except the liver), the wing tips, any excess skin, along with some celery, onion, carrot and garlic into a pot. I used a meat cleaver to cut the neck and wing tips in half. Sprinkle some sage, thyme and kosher salt over it all. Add some crushed black peppercorns and any other sort of herb you fancy. Cover with water and set to simmering. It should take a couple of hours to make a nice rich broth.
Put the liver in a bowl of salted water and let soak for an hour or more.
Dice the chunks of fat you have removed from the goose and put them in a saute pan on very low heat. The fat will slowly liquify, until at last, you are left with some browned hard bits in a lake of fat. Strain the fat into the container you are saving the rest of the liquid fat in, and use your food grinder or processor to grind up the hard bits, which are known as cracklings. Set these aside for later.
Roast your goose at 400 degrees for approximately 60 minutes. Take the roaster out of the oven and turn it down to 325 degrees. Pour or siphon off all of the accumulated fat, but save it for roasting vegetables, making gravy, and freezing for frying potatoes later. I had more than a cup of fat at 60 minutes.
Put the bird back in the oven, still covered, and continue roasting. Every 30-60 minutes, pull it out and pour or siphon off the accumulated fat. At the end of the second hour, I poured more than 3 cups of fat off. This second hour seems to be the big fat-shed time. Your total roasting time for a 12 lb. bird will probably be around 4 hours, but don't rely on that. When your goose is cooked, it should have a somewhat dessicated look to it, with long white leg bones sticking out where the meat and fat has shrunk away. You don't want it tough, but you don't want to be left with a lot of solid blubber, either.Pour off the remaining fat and re-cover the roaster.
Let the bird rest on the counter while you prepare the rest of the meal.
Next: Side Dishes
Monday, January 02, 2006
Let's All Be Different, Shall We?
Goose is the unknown bird to most Americans, and that is a shame. I just had my first goose, and it was an experience to remember.
Wait a minute... That sounded a little bit weird...
Starting over...
Instead of a turkey, why not have a goose for your holiday meal?
When celebrating the holidays, most Americans think of turkey. An entire industry has grown up around the American tradition of a big, stuffed turkey on major winter holidays. We have special side dishes, (some of them memorably h0rrible), to accompany the big bird. If one is a turkey virgin, one may call upon the good ladies and gentlemen at the Butterball turkey factory, for advice on all things turkey. The big birds, some weighing nearly 30 pounds, are sold year-round at every American supermarket.
So, why eat a goose, you might ask?
Because they are so darn good! Difficult to find, yes, unless you live in one of the larger metropolitan areas, geese sometimes turn up in even the most remote of marketplaces during the holiday season. Grab a goose while you can. >snicker< I did, and my family is glad that I did. A goose is all dark meat, and it is positively loaded with fat; delicious, fragrant fat that slowly bastes the meat as the bird cooks, making each slice of roasted goose tender and buttery, while it still retains a deliciously chewy quality.
Tomorrow: How I Cooked My Goose
Wait a minute... That sounded a little bit weird...
Starting over...
Instead of a turkey, why not have a goose for your holiday meal?
When celebrating the holidays, most Americans think of turkey. An entire industry has grown up around the American tradition of a big, stuffed turkey on major winter holidays. We have special side dishes, (some of them memorably h0rrible), to accompany the big bird. If one is a turkey virgin, one may call upon the good ladies and gentlemen at the Butterball turkey factory, for advice on all things turkey. The big birds, some weighing nearly 30 pounds, are sold year-round at every American supermarket.
So, why eat a goose, you might ask?
Because they are so darn good! Difficult to find, yes, unless you live in one of the larger metropolitan areas, geese sometimes turn up in even the most remote of marketplaces during the holiday season. Grab a goose while you can. >snicker< I did, and my family is glad that I did. A goose is all dark meat, and it is positively loaded with fat; delicious, fragrant fat that slowly bastes the meat as the bird cooks, making each slice of roasted goose tender and buttery, while it still retains a deliciously chewy quality.
Tomorrow: How I Cooked My Goose
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)