Worst. Thanksgiving. Ever.

Once upon a time, my worst Thanksgiving nightmares came true. First, it seems that some Hawaiian consumer found bugs in her cornmeal and because of this, all cornmeal was removed from western grocery shelves.

Thanksgiving turkey without cornbread stuffing? Cancel the holiday. I'm serious.

Days of frantic searching followed. Then, at the local Vons, I saw it.

Oh, can you feel my sigh of relief? Cornmeal was back.

And all was bright and green in the Savage world, and the air smelled of cinnamon and chocolate. Yes, it really did. But no matter how much shopping one does, one always forgets something, and so it came to pass that Savage and Grumpy did need to make a pre-invasion run for mass quantities of ice.

Understand that one of the major joys in my life is embarrassing my stern old man. So, as the Master Gunns himself grabbed bag after bag of frozen water and flung them into the cart, a somewhat bored Savage asked, in her best Girl Scout Camp, pitched-to-be-heard-across-the-lake voice,

"Do you think this is gonna be enough ice to keep the body cold?"

Corny, yes. Still, her declamation gave quite a few shoppers pause. The genteel old lady, who was just entering the door by the ice machine, backpedaled through it, perhaps never to return.

Still, never a smile did the aptly named Grumpy crack. But please, don't think of him as some kind of brute. He only beats me when I deserve it.

Damn, I'm sore.

Just kidding. Though it is true that I do look like I just went several rounds with Muhammad Ali, and made a poor showing of myself, at that.

(Ugh, the cat is eating out of the dustpan I haven't had time to empty; this place is still a mess. Remember, I mentioned Thanksgiving nightmares, plural?) *

* Involving pain and suffering and hospital visits and IT'S REALLY NOT MY FAULT!

Would I lie to you?

I need to clean up some broken glass, so more tomorrow. Maybe.