I Love a Parade

So, it was the annual Holiday Parade time in beautiful downtown Tumbleweed Junction once again. Unfortunately, your Savage Reporter could not attend, as she had urgent business elsewhere.

So of course, mad happenings ensued. As the celebrants assembled to march, a local loony decided to see what his SUV could do. Raymond Mendoza took his Chevy Blazer for a spin, first slamming into a bank building before crashing into a stop sign. He did not heed the sign, preferring to plow onward, clipping the front of a beautiful, mint condition 1963 Chevy Impala SS. The owner of the Impala, one Jesus Serna, was not pleased. Nope, he was for damn sure not. He exited his vehicle and leapt onto the Blazer and reached inside to...contact Mendoza. Apparently, Mendoza panicked, since he sped up, reaching an estimated speed of 50 mph as he dragged Serna along the pavement. Serna, understandably peeved, attempted to bite Mendoza (in an attempt to get him to slow down, he said). Sadly, his attempt was in vain. As Serna's knees were rapidly losing skin, he let go of the Blazer, falling to the roadway. Fortunately, he was not seriously injured. Police officers at the scene estimate that Serna was dragged 1,300 feet. Way to go, Ray! That's a Tumbleweed Junction record!

Moving right along, Mendoza, still at the wheel of the Blazer, made a U-turn and headed for the staging area of the holiday parade. After demolishing a wooden barricade and frightening the assembled paraders, he eventually came to a stop in a nearby field. Witnesses reported smoke coming from the SUV. (Well, I would guess so.) Mendoza was arrested "without incident." Okey-dokey. Personally, I would have kicked him in his dainty bits, but that is just me. (There is a legitimate reason why I cannot carry firearms in 47-1/2 states, but never mind.)

I would just like to state here that if you ever want to experience something even remotely resembling excitement in Tumbleweed Junction, first check to make sure that the Savage Chef is out of town. This is not superstition or rumor; it is fact. And try the veal at Datillo's. It is excellent.